Father, Child and Expression

I have a friend who recently wrote a letter to his dad. It was written on the occasion of his dad's retirement. I felt very happy to have a friend like him. Coz, not many people (at least from India) express their feelings to their parents. It sometimes happens when it comes to their mother but very few do it when it comes to their father.

I will be frank. I dont like to show my dad that I am weak. From my childhood, I have always been a girl with a lot of zeal to live up to my dad's expectations. Since, he had only two daughters and no sons, I think he always missed a son. But he taught me many things, like cycling, kite-flying, cigarette-making, playing with bombs, radio-repairing, VCD-repairing, rat-killing (we had many rats at our old home), etc. So, I learned many things from the beginning like boys. We used to and still talk a lot of things which girls wouldn't talk to their fathers. We have long discussions about wines, makes of bombs, Aeroplane makes, cars, computers, machines, mechanisms, buildings, literally anything on the earth. Since, my sister was three years younger to me, it was natural that he got to talking stuff with me first. Now, they too talk many things, but I would say that those three years were always an advantage to me. I had been a tomboy for most of my life and later drifted into the girly self. But still, now that I live miles away and make my own living, I still am a bit particular about showing my weakness to him. Because, he had made me strong from the beginning. I had never had a problem talking to boys, I never shyed away from talking to strangers, I never had a problem understanding some of the complex stuff which girls wouldn't have understood at my age (now there are many girls who are much more intelligent than me).

The rapport that me and my dad now share is totally different from what it was before. I don't go to him asking about stuff. I don't go to him to tell him how much I love him, I don't tell him my financial position, I don't tell him which guy I like now, I don't cry in front of him. It has become more formal now. But the love is still there. But, its just that I wish I were young again and spent the same time... talking about railway tracks, railway engines, rockets, logic, reasoning and many more. The distance has added to the strain.

I miss my dad. And, I miss him a lot.

Dream lost in dreams...

Hey...


I had a dream recently... it was so pleasant... Here you have only a glimpse of it... but I tell you... feeling it is something like being in a different world all together...

The breeze was cold and nice( I guess it was the fan in my room )... just enough to push the soft hair onto my face... my hand pushing them back... and they sweetly flowing again...

It was a sunset... the sky was pinkish orange and the sand was cold, silky and absorbing... the waves were fierce... but the water hitting my feet were very gentle... I was all alone... but was not feeling lonely (I thought I would have). I was walking along the shore... the ship on the horizon was going farther and farther away...

And then I suddenly jumped into our school library... yeiks!! It was so nice there! I am sure... the rest of the dream wouldn't interest you... nor me... so thats it folks...

cold and happy

I am so cold today... its sweaty hot out there
Why the cold...? why the craziness?
It seems like I am melting into some kind of a void...
which is definitely comfortable... but not right for me...
I feel like getting up and running...
but my body is holding down... it wants that love...
it wants that care...
and I know that it will hurt me ... it will...

logic logic everywhere... not a single mind in sight

Is it okay to think everything in the sense of logic and practicality...?

I am a practical person... but not extremely practical. But I was just thinking... about practicality and realistic thinking

Thought process

Is it okay to like something when you know you are not going to get it?

... like if you have a game which you know you already have lost... do you still need to play it?

In my mood...

I just wanna fall lazy...
close my eyes and have a little nap...
see those happy pictures behind my closed eyes...
I wanna just smile...
to those who don't know me...
and tell them that I am happy...
with all the love in me...
they never tried to hurt me...
but they always did what they wanted to...
I don't blame them...
but I was neglected too...
I just learned that I needn't care...
they just won't matter...
they don't wanna love the person I am...
then its perfectly okay...
I love myself enough....

Take the Time

I keep thinking of something ... and it happens...

When I was a baby... I took my time to crawl... to stand up and to walk...
I took my own sweet baby time...
and my mom was there to hold me... taking the same time... to see me grow

I took time... to see the world... to meet people, to make friends...
I took time... to learn... to play, to read, to write...
I took time... to like... my friends, my books, my jewelry...
I took time... to draw... my first joker...
I took time... to dress... to look pretty...
I took time... for myself... to smile...

Take the time... to see around you...
there is something which is waiting for you... for you and only you...
probably... you are waiting too... its just that you have to take time to realize it...